Adele "Day Dreamer" cover by Kassie Johnson

While You Were Sleeping

clouds gather on the horizon, and i lay in bed with my legs twisted in the sheets.

the stars outside my window burn with their own light

and tonight i wish to be with them alone.

i go to the open window, push aside the screen and climb out…

i leave not even a backward glance at your smoothly breathing sleeping form.

the wind picks me up easily, and carries me through the gentle night.

i can hear you calling me, needing me,

but do you understand that i wish to be alone right now? 

i will return on the flickering red mane of the morning,

smelling like the wild, sleepless sea

and ready to be back in your arms.

do not try to keep me from wandering;

watch me with tired eyes as i leave the room

and smile, knowing i’ll be back with gifts and stories

of all the secret places in my heart that i explored while you were sleeping. 

Who Am I Now?

who am i now?

days turn into nights and the stars wave in cosmic winds above me

as the ocean moves ceaselessly below.

i am in between these landscapes,

a dreamer with clouds around my ears

and an ocean creature that barely stirs the sandy bottom.

i think of heaven as stormy green waters toss me onto the sand,

into a world i have somehow come to love and understand.

my legs are new and they tremble with youth as

i stumble through this fresh existence,

unsure of what is real and what is as fleeting as the strain of a violin,

as the beat of a drum, as sunlight sliding across wooden floors,

as your hands in my hair.

what and who is here for me?

how do i know who has thoughts of violence,

and who is listening for the beat of my heart?

who believes me to be the instrument,

and who knows i am actually the note of music struck into the air,

invisible but so clear, staining the air a thousand different colors with my sound.

who am i now?

nights brighten into days and the sun softens me,

turning me into a tangled brown warrior.

i fight with my shadow as the waves call to me,

duty and pleasure at war within.

You win my soul each time,

and i wake up every morning at the bottom of the sea

with sunlight breaking the water into shards of blue glass around my floating form. 

my moments are adventures now that i am free,

now that i let You hold my hands and steer me like a ship,

the wind at my back and the whole expanse of infinity on my horizon.

i know someone is waiting for me on the other shore,

You keep him safe until i return.

he paces in deep sand with his hands in his pockets,

his eyes blinking into the sun searching for my sails.

the moon laughs and shivers in its own cold silver light

as we meet again after many years apart.

my sea legs touch down on wet sand and warm water graces my feet.

you wrap me up in arms that feel like home,

and for a moment i forget that i am not still alone in the middle of the ocean,

that’s how free we are together

as Your breath blows between our palms.

we look up and thank Heaven for each other,

for the ship in our harbor and for the golden trail of flickering lights

leading up the windy beach toward a home that smells like flowers.

years of beauty roll on ahead of us, calling us forward,

answering my question with each moment of sweetness, who am i now?

Careful Keeper Of My Thoughts

tonight it’s just the Moon and me.

even though the stars are many and bright

the Moon is lonely too.

my hair is loose and my feet are bare as

i tread through this quiet wooden house

with my nightgown swinging around my knees.

i sit on the steps of the porch and listen to midnight’s creaky symphony,

i cannot go back to bed even though I am aching and tired.

my past is so far away from here

it’s like I’m living a different life entirely

and I don’t mind in the least.

what I’ve done has plagued me like a filthy stinking beast

for so many long days and nights,

but life is now a sweet relief

because I reside in this very moment, and this very moment only.

the pitch-black hallways i have stumbled through

are faint images in my mind,

like cupping water in my hands and trying to see my full reflection.

i watch the constellations make their nightly circle across the sky

and i feel as if i am twirling with them,

jumping from dipper to dipper, from fiery comet to sputtering star.

i call up every night to the Moon,

my hand cupped around my mouth, my toes digging into the soft earth,

and i ask the Moon if he has seen my beloved.

every night the Moon replies,

“yes i have seen him, and he is doing very well. he can’t wait to meet you.”

“what great news!” i always say. “But when, dear Moon, when can i meet him?”

“not tonight, but maybe tomorrow. you have more truths to discover,

more solitary nights ahead. the warm comfort of steady love

must be born from the acceptance of stinging, liberating aloneness.”

i sigh and laugh a little,

because i know the Moon is always right.

it is the Moon that led me from the dungeon of my past

to the glory of my future,

for who am i to question the King of the Sky,

the Ruler of the Ocean Currents,

the Careful Keeper of My Thoughts.