Rushing Ocean Morning

Dip your hands into the sunrise,

Drag your fingers through the frothing blue sky,

Light springs through the cracks in the walls,

Sliding across the floor,

Golden and still-wet from shining on the sea.

It is a new morning, and the world shivers in its sudden nakedness.

All is laid bare, so do not be surprised if you also tremble.

The Lord's laughter cajoles us out of bed,

His whispered words send pink clouds to clothe the fresh first minutes of day.

He is the Prince of Peace and He wants to share His depths with us - 

So He has made another day, another infinite amount of chances,

to follow in His footsteps.

Quick, run to the shore! to the edge of the Vastness that is your soul.

Let not fear still your movement.

Let the sea kiss your toes,

Let the sand grace your knees,

Let prayer sing from your lips.

You will then see large footprints in the sand;

God's offering to follow Him to the Temple in His heart from which all Goodness is born.

If you wish to dare to love, fully and with passion,

Offer your body, your self, your words, your freckles and your skin,

To the bright and shining sea.

Pearls glint at you from pockets of red coral and there are waving green seaweeds 

And golden sand.

Let go of your breath,

Forget yourself to find your Self,

In the rushing ocean morning. 

Rocking Rhythm

                                                         I live with a broken heart no longer.

In fact, I don’t have a heart any more at all.

If you place your hand upon my chest you will not feel a beat.

I grew tired of envy, and worry, and grief,

So I rode my bicycle to the ocean and filled myself up with water

All the way down to my feet.

I live with a weak pulse no longer.

In fact, i don’t have a pulse any more at all.

If you place your fingers upon my wrist you will not feel a single throb.

I grew tired of sadness, and fear, and hate,

So i rode my bicycle to the top of a mountain and filled myself up with snow

All the way down to my fingers and toes.

Once I was cold and wet all the way through

I swam across the seven seas to a beautiful island

Where all my friends were waiting for me.

We danced and we sang all night long

Letting our hair dangle far into space

As we caught stars in the salty tangles, miles of glowing lace.

Finally we lay down to sleep;

A mess of brown limbs and resting eyes.

We breathed deeply and fully and sometimes our dreams made us sigh

As we played in the astral and worked out our lives.

When the sun woke up we did too, stretching and yawning.

Young souls get hungry after a night playing tag

In the valleys and mountains of God’s wrinkles!

So we rode our bicycles to market to buy food for a feast.

But when we got to the field there were no orderly bins and lines,

Just hundreds of people wearing nothing but smiles!

We caught on quickly and stripped off our clothes

Then raced to a huge basket filled with tangelos.

We were soon covered in sweetness and full to the brim

So we went to the ocean for a surf and a swim.

I leaped into the blueness and it filled the empty spaces within me

As i let out all my air and drifted to the sandy bottom.

The rocking rhythm of the waves passing over me

Swept away all the impurities from my soul.

I kicked my legs above my head,

Watching when the sun danced through the water

And shone through the thin bit of skin between my toes.

Then something magnificent caught my eye --

At first it looked like a gentle blue whale swimming toward me,

But as it got closer I realized it was a dappled brown turtle,

And then I blinked and it was a bright piece of broken coral.

Then sand got in my eye and when it cleared I realized

It wasn’t a whale or a turtle or a piece of coral;

It was my heart I’d given up long ago.

It had followed me out of the ocean where I left it,

Struggled behind me up the mountain,

Then swam across the seven seas to my beautiful island.

My heart had lain beside me every night while I slept, 

And now it had found me when I was finally ready.

I reached out my hand to greet my old friend,

And my heart drifted into my fingers.

I clasped it gently and put it back in my chest where it belonged,

And it quickly melted the rest of the cold snow from my toes.

My friends appeared, swimming beside me.

They were smiling and blowing bubbles;

They could see my heart and I had found each other again,

Reunited beneath the rocking rhythm of the ocean waves.

You, My Love

You, my love, cannot stay in my arms forever.

                                                Life beckons us different ways,

But when the wheel of the Universe turns on its axis

And we find ourselves face to face, hand in hand,

These are the things i hope for us:

That the grace of God will cover us like the stars blanket the sky,

And we will find freedom in each other.

Our pasts will fall away until they're just pretty lights in the distance

And we're both exactly what we knew we'd be, what we always wanted to be:

Pure and light and happy, every word that passes between us a simple token of appreciation,

Every kiss a gift we know we deserve.

We'll be so full of self love and self respect

Anyone that sees us or talks to us will glow inside,

Full of joy at our obvious total enjoyment of each other. 

I’ve so many things i want to tell you, stories to share and songs to play,

Movies to see and stars to watch, questions to ask and places to go.

The days will stretch long and the nights will never end,

We'll be lovers and best friends, close like two shirts hanging in a closet,

And apart like two trees in the same forest,

Like two stars in the same constellation,

In total awe of each other's beauty but notbecoming each other. 

These are the things i hope for us, 

Even though you, my love, cannot stay in my arms forever. 

With Gods And Angels

Dark dancers crawl out of my depths,

Swinging their arms behind my eyes and flicking their heelsIn tight pirouettes around my heart.

As I breathe in, their dance turns into a heated frenzy.

As I breathe out, they fade into smoky shadow.

They leave only the faintest trace of their tumultuous existence inside me:

A deep nod of my head, a graceful sweeping of my foot,

A trickling laugh that leaps from my lips...

A deed of kindness that turns my steady heartbeat

Into a hollow gourd drum beating out a wild rhythm

That sends me romping playfully through my days and nights.

The dark dancers always come, with sharp beautiful faces

And crowns of thorns nestled into their thick hair.

I release the leaping, weeping, keening dancers

Even as they call for me to fall into their bony, familiar arms.

I do not wish to hear the tapping of their feet for more than the blink of my eyes,

Because pain is sweet only in the first moments

Like the deep red of sudden sunrise.

I prefer to dance alone with deep breaths and slow, measured movements

Like the moon in its cycle through the sky,

Like foamy waves rising, curling, and whispering down onto the sand.

The dark dancers are my inspiration to keep cavorting across sunny wooden floors,

To smell flowers with every ounce of my concentration,

To dive into my Self as I dive into the ocean,

as I plunge into my bed at night,

As I fall into the arms of my friends and family,

As I plunge into Grace and kick up my heels in the valleys of the Milky Way

With the Present Moment playing fine spun music in my ears,

As I romp all night, all day, with gods and angels. 

Right Now

i have heard that a lot of people spend their lives

            trying to find Themselves.

            trying to find the Right Person.

            trying to find the Successful Job.

            but I have found,

            that anything worth finding is right now.

            Right Now.

            Right Now.

            Right Now.

            so take every Right Now,

            (and remember to breathe)

            and let it be Right Now,

            don’t put any Tomorrow’s or

            What If’s in it.

            stretch your happy muscles,

don’t let them get cramped

            (and remember to breathe). 

For Teachers, Especially Mine

I am taught by a great teacher.

she leads with her heart,

and through her Love I have begun to walk the starry paths

of my young heart.

this teacher has taught me to untangle myself from the sticky

web of my dreams, so I may find joy in my present moment.

she has helped me to discover that if I desire deep sleep and deep love,

then I must cease my anxious pacing on the shore.

I must dive right into the heaving storm that is my new life.

I lay in the burning sunlight of her lessons

so that I may become a great teacher one day too.

I have seen my inner hurricane and weathered the violence.

I listen to her words so I may know the peace of resting on God’s broad chest…

so I may know the rhythm of my Lord’s steady breathing.

so I may rise with His inhale and sink with His exhale,

knowing that I can hear His unchangeable heartbeat

whenever I put my ear to the Earth and listen. 

For My Parents & Others Who Miss Me

I am sending love to you tonight,

Wrapped in stars and silver clouds.

My hugs and laughter find their way over the oceans with ease,

Skimming across the dark surface of the water.

But all I can send is my love and light.

My shoulders and head stay here in the shadow of green mountains,

And my toes splash in water clear as glass.

You see, I am walking a path that winds forever on and on,

And I may sometimes pass from your sight.

But do not be angry with me,

Please say goodnight to me each evening even though I don’t sleep beside you;

I will hear the love in your lullaby

Even though you may sing it to an empty room!

I know God’s ears listen at all windows,

And He whispers into all lonely ears. 

Despair Every Morning

i stand before you with my arms spread open wide

i am smiling as stars trickle from my eyes.

i am so grateful to be alive, to taste this food on my tongue,

to hear your voice, to take a deep satisfying breath.

i am so grateful to be drying these dishes, standing next to you.

i think about the snowy peaks of mountains

and i wish i were there in that silent, freezing cold

so I could appreciate my numb toes and icicle hair.

everything is a delight to me now:

the roughness of the page of a book,  the smell of flowers on the breeze,

riding in the car, painting the shed.

even the anger and frustration i sometimes feel

is an absolute delight.

despair is the best alarm clock ever made,

but right now my life feels like laying in your bed at night,

after a long day and a hot shower

with nothing to look forward to but eight hours

on your softest pillow, and a good breakfast in the morning.

redemption is coming bearing gifts of love and forgiveness

and yes i know that nothing lasts forever,

one day i will get my feelings hurt again, one day i will be worried or afraid again,

but this enjoyment of every second will not go away.

i am happy to be here, happy to be alive, and i am ready,

even if i have to be woken up by despair every morning-

at least i’m awake,

and if i’m hating you

know that i’m enjoying hating you

and if i’m loving you

know that i’m enjoying loving you. 

Late Into The Night

We talk late into the night as

I say the sweet things I’ve wanted to say to you for so long.

In this life

It’s easy to go against what my heart truly wants,

But finally, with you, I can float.

All day I think of the beautiful things I’ve seen:

I want to show you all of them.

I want you to be happy and full of spirit

For the rest of your life, for all of your days and nights.

I hope that you’re never lonely

I hope that you never forget that you have a true friend in me.

Some of the most beautiful moments in my life

Have been with you, because of you;

I will never forget them.

One day, if I'm very lucky,

I’ll come face-to-face with your flaws,

With your fears, and with your family,

If you want me to.

It’ll be one of the greatest pleasures in my life

To get to know you better.

I hope I get the chance to know the best,

And the worst,

Things about you.

I hope I get the chance

To love you anyway. 

God Has Freckles

God has freckles,

And they tell a story.

A sweet bedtime story,

The kind that swings me to sleep each night

Beneath his sparkling face.

Sometimes I see my story up there in the swooping arc of stars

And sometimes I see only what could be…

God promises me it’s what WILL be.

He is always planning and prepping for me;

I know because I can feel the wind on my cheek,

My friend’s head on my shoulder,

The sunset glowing in the west,

And, at any moment,

I have the freedom to sink into Love…

And rest in the sky between God’s starry freckles,

The marks left from all the sweet things I have, and am, and will,

Be graced with. 

Fresh Dark Light of Morning

            i am searching in the fresh dark light of morning.

            the people that stay in this house with me understand.

            they are searching too.

            other places and people call to us;

            one day we will all answer, and be separated.

            but for now, these summer days pass slow and quick,

            marked by the different spices in the food

            and the wise things that we blurt out, mostly unknowing

            of our own divine power.

            this is the sweetest of what the world has to offer,

            this close, quiet friendship.

            i could laugh in this kitchen forever.

            i could garden outside forever.

            i could walk amongst the avocado and lychee trees forever.

            in a way I will.

            perhaps my physical body will be far away,

            in college, in bed, in Norway or Switzerland or France…

            but a part of me will walk this house and this orchard forever,

            like good memories make possible.

            i am searching in the fresh dark light of morning.

            oh the glory, of the people that stay in this house with me.

            

Adele "Day Dreamer" cover by Kassie Johnson

While You Were Sleeping

clouds gather on the horizon, and i lay in bed with my legs twisted in the sheets.

the stars outside my window burn with their own light

and tonight i wish to be with them alone.

i go to the open window, push aside the screen and climb out…

i leave not even a backward glance at your smoothly breathing sleeping form.

the wind picks me up easily, and carries me through the gentle night.

i can hear you calling me, needing me,

but do you understand that i wish to be alone right now? 

i will return on the flickering red mane of the morning,

smelling like the wild, sleepless sea

and ready to be back in your arms.

do not try to keep me from wandering;

watch me with tired eyes as i leave the room

and smile, knowing i’ll be back with gifts and stories

of all the secret places in my heart that i explored while you were sleeping. 

Who Am I Now?

who am i now?

days turn into nights and the stars wave in cosmic winds above me

as the ocean moves ceaselessly below.

i am in between these landscapes,

a dreamer with clouds around my ears

and an ocean creature that barely stirs the sandy bottom.

i think of heaven as stormy green waters toss me onto the sand,

into a world i have somehow come to love and understand.

my legs are new and they tremble with youth as

i stumble through this fresh existence,

unsure of what is real and what is as fleeting as the strain of a violin,

as the beat of a drum, as sunlight sliding across wooden floors,

as your hands in my hair.

what and who is here for me?

how do i know who has thoughts of violence,

and who is listening for the beat of my heart?

who believes me to be the instrument,

and who knows i am actually the note of music struck into the air,

invisible but so clear, staining the air a thousand different colors with my sound.

who am i now?

nights brighten into days and the sun softens me,

turning me into a tangled brown warrior.

i fight with my shadow as the waves call to me,

duty and pleasure at war within.

You win my soul each time,

and i wake up every morning at the bottom of the sea

with sunlight breaking the water into shards of blue glass around my floating form. 

my moments are adventures now that i am free,

now that i let You hold my hands and steer me like a ship,

the wind at my back and the whole expanse of infinity on my horizon.

i know someone is waiting for me on the other shore,

You keep him safe until i return.

he paces in deep sand with his hands in his pockets,

his eyes blinking into the sun searching for my sails.

the moon laughs and shivers in its own cold silver light

as we meet again after many years apart.

my sea legs touch down on wet sand and warm water graces my feet.

you wrap me up in arms that feel like home,

and for a moment i forget that i am not still alone in the middle of the ocean,

that’s how free we are together

as Your breath blows between our palms.

we look up and thank Heaven for each other,

for the ship in our harbor and for the golden trail of flickering lights

leading up the windy beach toward a home that smells like flowers.

years of beauty roll on ahead of us, calling us forward,

answering my question with each moment of sweetness, who am i now?

Careful Keeper Of My Thoughts

tonight it’s just the Moon and me.

even though the stars are many and bright

the Moon is lonely too.

my hair is loose and my feet are bare as

i tread through this quiet wooden house

with my nightgown swinging around my knees.

i sit on the steps of the porch and listen to midnight’s creaky symphony,

i cannot go back to bed even though I am aching and tired.

my past is so far away from here

it’s like I’m living a different life entirely

and I don’t mind in the least.

what I’ve done has plagued me like a filthy stinking beast

for so many long days and nights,

but life is now a sweet relief

because I reside in this very moment, and this very moment only.

the pitch-black hallways i have stumbled through

are faint images in my mind,

like cupping water in my hands and trying to see my full reflection.

i watch the constellations make their nightly circle across the sky

and i feel as if i am twirling with them,

jumping from dipper to dipper, from fiery comet to sputtering star.

i call up every night to the Moon,

my hand cupped around my mouth, my toes digging into the soft earth,

and i ask the Moon if he has seen my beloved.

every night the Moon replies,

“yes i have seen him, and he is doing very well. he can’t wait to meet you.”

“what great news!” i always say. “But when, dear Moon, when can i meet him?”

“not tonight, but maybe tomorrow. you have more truths to discover,

more solitary nights ahead. the warm comfort of steady love

must be born from the acceptance of stinging, liberating aloneness.”

i sigh and laugh a little,

because i know the Moon is always right.

it is the Moon that led me from the dungeon of my past

to the glory of my future,

for who am i to question the King of the Sky,

the Ruler of the Ocean Currents,

the Careful Keeper of My Thoughts.

Wahine On The Moon

The sky is my soft blue cave, the wall of the cosmos tickling my back. I am lucky; my home is alive. The moon breathes, deeply, blowing my black hair across its dusty surface, flickering and licking into empty space.

I look down on my islands, green mountains fading into red dirt valleys, turning into rocky beaches, whispering away into the sea, where sharks slide smoothly like gray staring spirits.

I hold my baby in my arms; he sleeps, breathing gently. We have quiet hearts, and the music of the Universe lulls us easily to sleep. I wipe the moon dust from my eyes, and slide gently over the curve of the moon. First one toe, then the other, I test the black throbbing space. It’s the perfect temperature, and I bend my knees and leap toward earth, my large brown body bare, my baby laughing on   This is his favorite part.

my hip.

The sun has set on my islands, and I glide above them, whisking salty sea spray and plumeria in front of me. I touch down on a pebbly golden beach and a couple walks slowly by. I quickly call upon my powers and in a second I am a shaft of moonlight on the ocean, my nakedness and my baby’s innocence hidden from them. We drift along the surface, singing, breathing in the smell of the wide Pacific, of the reef, of a smoky fire burning on the beach. Dripping wet now, my hair clinging to my ankles and my baby tucked into my arms, we follow the sweet pickings of an ukulele to a small backyard.

There’s a wooden house that wanders and sags, breadfruit trees and mango trees spreading their arms, laden with white glowing lights. Legs are crossed, keiki half asleep on skirted laps, manly dirty feet propped on tables and chairs and rusted car fenders. The music starts as ukuleles join their voices, sweet and hard, peppering the night air. A thick papery voice joins in, producing a melody as juicy as the young coconut jelly. The keiki wake up, the teenagers drift outside from the kitchen, and leaving my baby safe in the branches of a mango tree, I dance the hula, letting the rhythm of the islands guide my movements. Soon I am joined by the black haired brown skinned doe-eyed children. They twirl and play around my legs, and then the young people come and brush against my skin and they tremble at my coolness, making them dance that much harder. Then the elders join me, and they smile and touch my hair. They have been dancing with me many years.

When I am beaded with silver sweat, I take my baby and we go to the mountains and valleys. Kigns and queens whisper here, caught in the ancient wet dampness and delicate flowers and whisking rivers and jagged falling cliffs. Drums echo here, bouncing off the weeping faces of the mountains, lurking in the valleys, making the trees shake and sway. The stomping of my brothers’ feet, their labored breathing, reminds me of wars past, and I watch with sadness as they run by me, their hearts aching, eyes dying with anger. I long to hold them in my arms, but they will not have it.

I kiss the mountains and the sea goodnight, as my hair drags through the valley and over the houses of my people. I bend my knees and jump toward the white coin moon. My hair flings water as I glide home, still humming, my baby’s pudgy hands kneading my chest, his black silky hair on my shoulder.

I settle cross-legged on the moon and tuck the clouds around my legs as my baby giggles in my arms so powerfully that waves are pushed across the ocean floor. I run my hands through my hair and rain spills down on taro fields and quiet wooden lanais. I pick up my ukulele: the body is pockmarked black lava rock, the strings are moonlight on the sea, and it is inlaid with thick white pearls. I begin to play and I open my mouth to sing of glory, as an island night is born.